Sunday, August 11, 2013

What Women Want Most In A Man

Ohhhh the good ole days that I don't remember, when your man threw his coat down in the street so you wouldn't step into a puddle.  (I may have to get my poise pads out for this post.)  Let's be real here, if he ever went to this much trouble, he was only tryin to look up your dress!  And remember how cute it was that he wanted a bite off your plate when yall were on a date? Yea, he just wanted to speed things up for a game that was on the tv, or just wanted to get straight to the bed (and you were the one getting lucky).  Don't think opening the car door was that nice either, he was just tryin to impress the chick across the street! I'm old, I know these things, trust me!  But hey, I have learned a few things that I believe will help your asshole man...and most likely not! Let's just see how much we agree with these so called experts...otherwise I'm slappin a few letters after my name, and callin it a day!


Kind Gestures

Ok, so this dude named M. Gary Neuman, oh excuse me, Dr. M. Gary Neuman, wrote this book "Connect to Love" and has a few simple suggestions on how to improve your relationship...hahaha...just here him out for pete sakes!  So, to make our little hearts go pitter patter, Dr. Neuman says we need to make sure our man knows what makes us tick cuz they're freakin clueless, and in my opinion, that's where they like to stay! But, if he's a good one and just stupid, than he will be teachable. AND GURRLS, THIS GOES BOTH WAYS...we gotta give a little too...(sorry I couldn't get that print any smaller). They love to read in the john...I wish we could just tossem "Connect to Love" along with the toilet paper, and they'd come out all knowing!  No, they don't like reading "Connect to Love" kinda shit crap in the john....or anywhere for that matter!  Sorry Dr. M. Gary Neuman!  So, we have to make sure they read the book through our words, and we need to convey this message in a certain way.  Kind gestures is simply that...let your man know he needs to be kind a few times a day is all.  Like, he needs to kiss you a few times a day when he's home (I think I would even say which kisses you big ole wet ones, or just a peck will do...personally, the bigger the better I say...remember the direction you're wanting to go here), tell you he loves you, call you real quick to say hi, pinch your ass butt (so that was my suggestion) but hey, that could get you to the next gesture!  Anyhow, these kind gestures only take a few seconds, but are huge and make a big difference! AND, be sure HE knows IDIOT, IGNORANT, MORON, is not a kind gesture..just so he's clear...jk...not really...I said I'm old, and I know these things!


Well they look like they're having fun, or more likely, he's apologizing with a really nice necklace. And gifts are totally!  Seriously, a couple has to have fun together...duh! We have to have a date nite together without distractions.  No phones, no friends, no kids...just the two of you! Only like for six hours or so...(ok, so that was my suggestion again...tell your man it only really needs to be like two).  But, I say how lucky does he want to get!  Having fun is so's kinda rollin up all the things we want in our man into one!  I'm not a statistics gurrl, but I can almost guarantee that you're getting lucky after date nite! Even if you have to schedule it on your calendars, and with babysitters...DO IT!



YES....I want to rip his nipples off too!!!  But it doesn't help.  We need to tell the asses butts how to appreciate us (according to Dr. M. Gary Neuman).  YES, WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING...TELLEM HOW WE LIKE IT, WHERE TO PUT IT, WHAT TO DO WITH IT, AND YES HOW TO FREAKIN SOLVE IT!  And, it's not really cuz they're clueless, as docs and men want to try and make us think.  They're just lazy...they figure they have 10-15 years before they need to start givin a shit dern!  Frankly this is way too long to suffer, but this is the danger zone..and if you're old like me, and had a couple assholes buttholes, it's 2-4 years tops!  Isn't funny how I happen to come across a book that was written by a I'm guessing he had a wife that taught him well, and he decided to write a book about it, and take the credit...jk doc..these truly are words to live by...just playin...I ain't hatin...just statin!  Isn't ironiccc...I love Alannis Morresette!  I wish I knew how to spell her name.  All kiddin aside, tell your man how much you appreciate specific!  Did he put the toilet seat down after using it?  Did he wipe up the dribble on the floor?  Did he throw the beer can away in the trash?  We must say how much we appreciate him for doing so, if we want the same in return.  And, you have to be specific about how you want him to appreciate you!  Tell him he needs to say how much he appreciates you for taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning the whole house and making sure the kids are fed, bathed and put to bed, and that you have dinner cooked for him, and that you're laying there in bed spread eagle just waiting for him to get home!  Ok, so I crack myself up...sorry...I was teasing!  Point is we do have to be specific!


Ok, so we both give each other headaches!  Asshole Turd doesn't hear one word we say, nor appears to care, and our headaches come from tryin too hard!  Again, it is our job to make our man understand that he needs to listen to us...that he doesn't listen well....hahahahaha...ok!   Guess what...we need to be specificcccc...again!  Tell him "I'ts 8:00..I need to talk to you until 8:20! I need your attention for about 15-20 mins! Have him repeat what you said to him so yall are clear on what you said.  And vice versa!! Maybe it would be better if we just post posty notes all over us...that's pretty IN YOUR FREAKIN FACE SPECIFIC!  If he can't do that, move on to bigger and better things that await you! If he is in to you, and loves you, he should be down with this!  Just so ya know, guys can't really hang much longer than 20 minutes, according to Dr. Neuman.  Anything after that, he's in football land, neighborland, breakin bad land, somethin land! Personally, I think it blows that he can't focus any longer than this...but thankfully, I'm not of that species, and really, all we can do is pray for them! (Did you notice how nice I was? No bad words in that last sentence)!



This is kinda a no brainer, sorry if this just struck you as a viable reality!  You gotta spend time together, at least 30 minutes a day, according to you know who.  Both of you need to reconnect after a long day, destress together! Studies show that women that spend five minutes or less with their husband, or significant other, aren't happy! This is something I have dealt with all my life....I don't understand the person you want to be with forever, and love, is the person you spend the least amount of time with, and it doesn't seem to matter!  Just ain't right, and it happens all the time!  If you have a good woman, or man, and you're not spending any time with them, you need to take a big look inside yourself, and figure out what is so jacked about you! Also, you best be having sex too!  AND, that goes both ways!!  If you are always shootin down sex from your partner, there is something really wrong! Your partner will go elsewhere for intimacy! And now we're talkin cooties! (Another whole post).  If you don't ever want to have sex, FIGURE OUT WHY!  Go see a shrink, doctor, bartender, hairstylist, priest, (well maybe not a priest) but do something!!! Do you realize how fast 30 minutes goes by?  It's despicable, in my opinion, that couples can't or don't want to hang out for at least 30 minutes a day together!  It really ain't greener on the other side where people love to go!  

In a nutshell, love the one your with, dance together, hang out with them (more than you do your friends), expect nothing and laugh often!  If you can't or don't want to spend time with her/him, move on, for both your sakes!  And, don't say no too many times to sex.  You can't all the time, stuff happens..I know.  Remember, they're ain't nothin wrong with seein a specialist! Or you can just ask me..haha..jk!