Friday, November 8, 2013

How to survive the holidays with the fam!

Feelin a lil grinchy cuz the holidays are here already? Feel like you could do a Reagan move from the exorcist? Spin your head around and get all nasty! Wanna tell bushy eyebrow uncle Larry to shove his politics up where the sun don't put it nicely! And, don't you just sit there and think how did I get so normal??  I'm a dumbass!!  Everyone is crazy and they don't even have a clue! Why am I the only one that is privy to this info??  Well sista, you ain't alone!! Or brotha! I love Jesus, but the commercialization of the holidays drives me freakin nutso! I'm kinda a loner (introvert) which makes it a lil more difficult, I why does everboda gotta be all up in my biz? What's up with the 100 questions?  Let's just eat some dam food, play a game, watch football, and tell the kids we're gonna play hide and seek, and watchem hide for an hour, cuz you know you ain't lookin for their asses....hahaha....auntie Robin likes that!  Hell, I'll even go hide so I can be alone for a while! Ok, so here's what I got to say about this holiday crap....


Preplan your trip!  Plan ahead!!  If there are unresolved family issues, be sure and get that sh_t handled beforehand!! Aunt Rose don't like you and your significant other livin together??  Well I say knock her the hell out!  Just kiddin...we love aunt Rose!!  Maybe spike her tea!! Whatever, just talk to her or figure out how it's gonna be handled.  Throw some Jesus lingo around...aunt Rose types love that....Jesus loves thee aunt Rose!! Or just be like that twix commercial..everytime she asks a question, shove some taters in your mouth, and she'll forget what she asked by the time your done with your bite!  Point is try to plan for sticky issues that might come up?  Maybe invite someone to go with you!!  To act as a buffer!!


Can't help feelin sad and feel like you're the only one?  I get this!  It's harder for me cuz of the time change...I have a hard time when it gets dark early!  If it is cloudy or rainy for more than two days, my mood totally changes...I'm a cranky gurrl!! Give me some!! I love Jesus so he gets me through the bad times, but I know there are people that don't believe the way I do.  Holiday blues is a real issue for a lot of people, and I would totally say check him out first! He's the best medicine ever!  But, either way seek help fo show!! Maybe discuss with your doctor medication that would help for a while, especially, if things are really getting out of control! If you're broke, and don't have any family, well Annie get your gun then!! Maybe it's just time to get rid of your boyfriend...haha...jk yall! It ain't funny,  just don't think you're stupid or you're some crazy bitch....or ass in some cases.  You're're ok!!!! Find people that make you laugh! You may have one friend in the world....reach out to that person! And lastly, if you have noone else, go to a homeless shelter and volunteer! That is some good meds right there!   Or you will always find another lonely person in a bar somewhere where you could sit down and visit with.  (I'M NOT PROMOTING GOIN TO A BAR AND GET YOUR DRINK ON YALL).  There will always be someone less fortunate than you that you can help...could be life changing!  Whatever charity you like! 


Oh and sweet grandma....let's have her be in charge of somethin, Lord have mercy!! Maybe the bathrooms? She's usually in there for awhile anyways right?  Rolls??  Maybe she can be in charge of the keg!!  I don't know....somethin so she ain't mallin the kids every minute!!  The adults too for that matter!!  This may be a good time to maybe do a photo album with the fam! Maybe a cookbook! All the generations, cousins, brats, prostitutes (no johns), everyone we can remember! All do this together at Thanksgiving or Christmas...wherever mallin mamma will be!  


Don't take things so serious, have some fun!  If your family is stressful and a total downer to be around, you seriously may need to limit your activity with them!  But, also know that you don't have to take things personal or seriously!  Find the humor in the situation!  If you ain't 20, you can do this!!  Young people won't know what I'm talkin about.  You don't have to participate in the madness, at least too much!  Laugh off your sister who thinks counseling is for crazy people!  Counseling was the best thing for me!! I got to talk with someone who was totally subjective, an outsider who could help me see things differently! That bitch knew how to make a martini!! So the end of the nite, I was seein things differently!!  Jk yall..counseling was awesome for me!  Some people will never understand this!! And who cares. People that don't want help, don't want to deal with their demons, and don't want to know what could make things better in their lives, have deep issues from within, and there is nothin you can do for them!  They think IT'S EVERYONE ELSE!!!!  You will never relate to them! have to have a sense of humor, and just be comfortable knowing you're ok with the world!  For me, Jesus makes me okay with the world!  And, I know that I cannot make ANYONE happy!!! Just know life is too short to be worried with all this...really? It's just another day, remember!! Some people live for drama..that's all they know!  And, some people live because they know life is too short..they know how to live in the moment! Find those people....find the one's that know how to love themselves, and know how to forgive, because they will know how to love you...unconditionally!


A lil drinky poo with aunt Rose might be the best medicine here for you guys.  You know she's ready for her glass of wine by 3:00!  But, just remember, they say just one!! Ya know for the benefits wine has....well I like lots of benefits!!! (Not sure who they is, but I never listen to they.)


They say you need to exercise in moderation...or is that drink and eat in moderation? Whatever...they're wrong!! They, they, they!!!  Drink and eat all you can, and exercise in moderation!!  Ok, so I'm prolly not bein totally honest here, dammit!!  I really want it to be! Really exercise is very important to keep up during the holidays!  If you don't exercise, then get your ass up and do it!  I have been told that it does a shit load of stuff for you (they people again)!  It does a lot of endorphin crap to your brain which gives you all kinds of energy, and feel good mones of some sort!! Ever heard of fat belly?  Ya me too.. helps that!! Look...I found some easy exercises for us, and you don't even have to leave your favorite!!!


Maybe get away for the holidays!   I'm leavin on a jet plane..don't know when I'll be back again....heck ya!! This is the best idea yet!! Get the frick out yo!!  I'm sorry, but I will be gone for business, but tell aunt Rose I miss her so....boyfriend's mother broke her hip?? You're adopting a baby!  Whatever works!! Oh maybe not the baby one....aunt Rose will want to come visit!  Bon voyage!!